Happiness is ...

... to find this on the Christmas market on the Champs-Elysees :

And a note on my previous post and the comments : Chee, Gloria, Mindy , Kelli & Olivier, Ulla, C, Lisa : I am very touched by your reactions, and your comments really lift me up. Thank you all for taking the time to write to me and for your encouragement ! Really touched.

And for those who think I am just complaining too much, I am sorry that they have obviously not understood the purpose of this blog and my history, neither me as a person. This is not a food blog, but a blog about an extreme professional transformation and the experiences and emotions that come with it. My decision to change profession was inspired 4 years ago by reading a similar blog by a woman who left IT to become a cook in Paris. Today she is back in IT, because it was too frustrating and not paid well enough. I will not be going that way, but at least I also want to show the reality, with the good sides and the bad sides of what it means to move to the restaurant business. Since 20 years my job has always been a key priority in my life, and naturally I expect it to be a source of happiness, maybe more than the average person does. So if I am not getting out of it what I am putting in and something  is not meeting my expectations, I am sharing it here, being well aware that the world is not perfect. If it is tiring you, don't read my blog. About myself : yes I am a very emotional person, easily overwhelmed by small things in the good sense (by a Leonard Cohen song in a Paris taxi at night) and in the bad sense as well (by a boss, that stops appreciating my efforts). And I am happy and thankful that this is the way I am.

For the situation in the restaurant, I have been thinking about the options. I will not talk to the patron, as I believe he is that type of person who won't understand or change, and I have made bad experiences in the past with criticizing bosses. But I talked to the chef about my frustration, in fact he came to ask why I have been so grumpy lately. He said they couldn't function without me at the moment, that there was a certain pressure on him and the patron because of the recent success of the restaurant, that was certainly also due to my contributions. This was very nice to hear. Since then I noticed a new major effort on his side to keep my spirits up, and we agreed on a plan to get me better training in the next year at his "hot" station, so that I will continue to make progress. I stopped giving 200% and am now down to 150%. Not adding 2-3 hours overtime per day anymore, stopped accepting the role of personal assistant of the patron into which he is sometimes pushing me, stopped shopping for ingredients that we don't have in stock, stopped behaving as if the restaurant staff was my family and the restaurant my own, take more emotional distance and a more professionaly focussed approach. All this is unfortunately reducing the fun, because I have always been happiest when I can get involved 200%. But at the moment it is the way to go to protect myself and get back on track for the next steps.

Oooops, I realize I deviated just a little bit from the subject of German sausages, also a great source of happiness, but there a things that have to be said.....

Comments

[sydney]

Complaining too much? Seriously? Who could feel like they can criticize (and therefore complain) to someone for voicing their own true thoughts on their own, personal, blog?

Anyway. The restaurant industry will take everything you will give it and ask for more. And it will not repay you in kind. That's true regardless of your position - boss, dishwasher, or chef. You can give it 200% and it will want 300% - and it will not thank you sufficiently for your efforts.

I'm not saying this to make you feel low, but to affirm that you have to set your own pattern and find a balance that works for you. It's a bit like parenting, in that you can never, ever 'finish' everything and nothing is ever perfect, so you it lends itself to overwork and underthanks.

If you don't set your limits, it will chew you up and spit you out and move on to the next warm body.

It sounds like you have taken the first steps to set yourself up for a lifetime of working in the industry - which is to know and embrace your limits. Primarily - that you can't keep giving without receiving. And you have control over only one of those aspects.

Keep your chin up - these are natural cycles of joy and apathy and energy/exhaustion. Soon you will find that you've gotten back to the joy.

[Katie K]

Good fences make good neighbors. Good luck (and try that brownie recipe I sent you; you won't be disappointed)!

[Joan]

Don't worry about other readers, Ulla. This is your blog and you can write as you please. I appreciate reading both sides because I understand where you are coming from 100%. Remember at my last job, I told you that my boss was a gros con. He never once said I did a good job. NEVER. Even though I worked hard, and worked on my days off, the clients really enjoyed my food, but this made him more mad and treated me like crap. So yes, even if you know you are doing a job, sometimes it's nice to hear it from your boss. No job is perfect - it's natural to "complain" or vent about what is bothering. Especially in this industry, it is very frustrating at times. But at the end of the day, it's a nice feeling that you touch food for a living, and feed people, n'est-ce pas ?

[Ulla]

Sydney, amazing how you always find the right explanation, words and advice. I read your comment at least 10 times. I am so glad you keep reading and commenting my posts. Thank you.

Katie, I love that phrase ! Never heard it before, but thinking about it, might be very true.

Joan, thank you for sharing your thoughts and encouragement. I admire your attitude and your strength. And you are right, it is too nice to feed people for a living ;)

[Nga]

Just want to share some thoughts. When we are doing things we love, we use to offer extra, some times too much. But, who cares. We gave because we enjoy. When we know that people are taking advantages on us, it means that we are smart parce qu'on est en train d'investir pour soi meme. Tiens-toi la. On ferme les oreilles et on apprend. Ta recompense sera ton succes du moment tu les quittes. Be strong and cheers.