La vie en rose

To see la vie en rose is much better than going on with a Paris Blues...

I can do that again since a couple of weeks. Against everybody's well meant advice I quit the 2 star restaurant 4 weeks ago. Too many negative things had accumulated, that resulted in total demotivation. The most difficult was that they were expecting too much from me, that I could just not deliver in the given time, so others had to always help me and bad comments and remarks didn't stop. While I did learn a lot in the short time I spent there I was not happy at all, and increasingly unpleasant personal comments from the second made my decision easy. I am now really done with the stars. I am glad I made the experience but this world is not for me. I quit on Tuesday Januar 22nd. On the 23rd I was invited to a job interview by a chef who was attracted by my CV that I had distributed on a specific internet site two days before. My search ad was titled "looking for job in bistro with small team and friendly atmosphere". Eventually everything had become clear to me. I do not want to spend many years as an employee in any kitchen. I needed to find a place that is close to what I want to run soon, while still having a life on the side, learning a lot and having some fun too.

On the 24th I started a 4 day test cooking period in the bistrot, and after 2 days the chef-owner offered me a contract as a commis. He said he was interested in my case because if I go through all that at my age, there must be some passion behind... There are two owners of this bistrot, one is the chef who hired me, but fincancially speaking, le "patron" is the guy who founded yahoo Europe. He left yahoo in 1999 with some stock options and to move into capital investment. One of the businesses he invested in, because he obviously loves French food, and the history of this traditional bistrot, is the place I am now working at since one month. From time to time he stops by, says hello to everybody in the kitchen and of course eats at the bistrot. I just love the idea of cooking in a bistrot and being paid by the yahoo Europe founder. It's a nice story.

The dining room of my new bistrot. I love the decoration and the atmosphere. So typical old Parisien. But not only me. We are booked completely most of the time (45 covers). Business lunches and in the evening mostly .... American tourists !!! 

There is much less pressure, although it varies depending on the weekday, better working hours, small team of 5 people in the kitchen, I touch everything, patisserie, cold starters, cooking fish, vegetables, meat, plating. Everything. I learn so many things that will help me for my project, in a much different way than at the 2-star restaurant. Some days are like going back to culinary school. After one month I still like going there, and I plan to stay there about a year. Of course not every day is perfect and there are from time to time bad days as well, but I think that this as good as it can get for me as an employee with my level.

I wanted to wait a bit before writing here about this change. I had moments when I thought; it must be me. Second failure in a row. I am not made to be a professional cook, I cannot be happy in any kitchen, what if it happens again, what if I have chosen the wrong path, what if I am not able to find a place to work ? My life had become very unstable, something which I just don't like. And I just didn't want to write for the third time in a row "I love it here", just to find out that 4 weeks later I hate it. Now it seems some stability is back, I have taken new motivation to go on with my plan, and I will now continue writing about the pleasures and pain of learning to be a cook again. 

Je vois la vie en rose.... And a big Merci to Marion Cotillard, for bringing some positive headlines to France !

Comments

[bolli]

Was lange dauert, wird endlich gut!!!!!!!!

Das sieht doch ganz nett aus!

[Sydney]

Good for you. Happy to hear some good news.

[Who-lee-oh!]

After the storm comes the calm! Right on, stay zen and enjoy that passion. It's a lesson and a light on the foggy road....keep it up!

[Paul / Cagnes sur Mer]

Hi there

It’s me again, the 52-year young (I refuse to say 52-year old) South African career changer in the south of France, also completing a stage in a gastronomic kitchen after culinary school.

I couldn’t believe it when I read your latest blog about your quitting the 2* M restaurant. It was so uncanny because you were telling my story word for word and I know exactly the agony and indecisions that you have been through and the torment that rages through ones mind.

Just like you, I too have quit my stage this week.

I just could not take it anymore. After 3 months, I had had enough. As I wrote previously, I was serving a 4-month internship in a well-established 1* M restaurant and Relais & Chateaux hotel just outside Nice. Daily I would face antagonism from the brigade and find myself relegated to the very menial and mundane tasks. (I mean how times can you de-stalk japonais salad every day, clean a friteuse or cut olives into julienne strips before going mad?) Whenever I wanted to gain hands-on experience at the grill, whether it be with fish or meat or poultry, I was told that an apprentice takes 2 years to do this. The closest I got to the grill was to clean it after service. (Heck, I don’t have 2 years to wait, don’t they understand!?)
My command of the French language is not great (average) and the other cuisiniers took advantage of this, often giving conflicting instructions which led to obvious confusion. And yes, the workload demand was unbearable and a new (permanent) chef said he couldn’t believe how much work they load on the stagiaires. Initially, over the Christmas period, all went well until the sous (who was very helpful in explaining procedures and techniques) resigned and left in mid-January and another second was selected. His human resources management skills rated 0 on the ability scale and it was easier for him to assign the most boring and unstimulating tasks to the stagiaires rather than train us to do anything else. When I asked if I could at least try cleaning and filleting fish (daurade) for example, I was told that the task was far too senior and I should rather practise on the “staff meal” fish one day. In reality, I was not learning anything further.

As one who had changed career with the ultimate objective of opening my own (small / 40 couverts max) restaurant one day, I used to finish my shifts totally frustrated, demoralised and just downright disappointed. Had I done the right thing in life? Was this really the life for me? Maybe I should have just stayed in my old profession (TV director of news & actuality) and possibly this was all a mistake? Just like you, I thought there was something wrong with me and I agonised until the early hours of the morning about how I had been treated. I really felt useless. Were ALL French gastronomic restaurants like this, I asked? I was plain unhappy and at my age this is supposed to be the warm afternoon of my life, damnit! I should be living the dream for goodness sake! And this was more of a nightmare rather than a dream. I could feel the reality of one day opening my own place slowly slipping away. (Well, I thought, at least I knew how to throw good dinner parties at home!) Thank goodness I came to my senses and realised that I didn’t need to put up with all this nonsense that was causing such distress. My life needn’t be so unsettled. There had to be something better. On Tuesday this week I told the chef that I was quitting and would be leaving on Friday (end of February.) He didn’t even ask why.

My culinary training, unlike yours, was divided into either cuisine or pâtisserie. (We had basic pâtisserie but nothing more complicated than pate brisée, sucrée, crème brulée etc.) I have now enrolled on the intensive pâtisserie course at the school for the next 3 months and will complete a 4 month stage thereafter somewhere in France. I will not lose my acquired cooking skills though, because you can repeat the cuisine curriculum, if you feel you have the energy. The course now has an ex 3*M chef as a prof. So new ideas, new approaches. (The chef de pâtisserie / prof is a 2*M.) I’m really looking forward to school, but realise, like you do, that the difference between school and real life in the kitchen is world’s apart. How far apart I will discover in my stage period in 3 months time … Keep the faith, don’t lose the dream and hopefully we can have a drink together one day and laugh about our experiences!

[Ulla]

Katia, ja, Du must mal vorbeischaun, und Dich bei "mir" einladen lassen. Blanquette, Anduillette, lecker, lecker ;) Ich warte !

Sidney, thank you for your ongoing encouragement. Also glad to read that there seems to be some progress with Geena's situation. Bon courage.

Hola Julio. Happy you are still following my blog. We'll have to plan a get together in March/April in Grenoble.

Young Paul, you really made my day. Thank you for sharing so many details of your story with me and my blog readers, I am very touched you took the time. Looks indeed like we are going through very similar experiences... What keeps me going is focussing on my dream, but the price I am ready to to pay for it has a limit.

[Ms. Glaze]

I'm proud of you for quitting. I know that sounds bizarre, but really I am. You have to do what's right for you. And you will learn more at the Bistro at a pace that works for you in an environment that is healthy. Michelin restaurants are dog eat dog with tons of apprentices, stagiers, commis trying to move up the ranks. They've also started cooking at such a young age and often have intolerance for those of us that are older and still learning. It's almost like they feel they should have your job instead. But with age comes wisdom and maturity and they can't climb up that ladder faster than nature allows.

When you told me that you had been hired on as a Chef de Partie without tons of previous restaurant experience, I was very nervous for you. Because I know how it is at Guy Savoy. And I know I personally couldn't take on that responsibility right off the bat. First of all it takes months to adjust to the physical endurance part let alone memorizing the orders that come in and directing your staff. Nightmare really. Then there's the kitchen politics which are sometimes extremely hard to endure.

I have faith in your creativity, talent, passion, and stamina in the kitchen and I know it will pay off when you actualize your restaurant dream.

Gros Bisous,
Ms. Glaze

[Ulla]

Ah Ms. Glaze, thank you for your wise and encouraging words. I was very excited to discover you left me a comment ! Reading your blog over months should have prepared me to the idea what life in a Michelin star kitchen means. But I was blind, and too much attracted by the "glamour of the stars". Now I know better what is good for me and what's not. (BTW, at the two-star as well as at the bistro we get order tickets. I really have no clue how you manage the memorizing part as you describe it on your blog. Why do they make cooks go through that additional unnecessary pain ?) I admire you so much for your achievements at Guy Savoy, only now I do really understand what it means, but it is true I don't really envy you at all ;). Hope your new job is going well there and I hope you can still have a life on the side...
A bientot, j'espere !

[Rose]

Hey ulla

..follow your heart, let your passion leads you to success!
And to you too dear 52 years young 'South African career changer in the south of France'...never give up...never!

Here's to you both for having to go through a little hic cup in life! May you both succeed in all that you do!!!

"We should never depend
on others in order to feel whole.
Instead, we must look inside
to recognize our own worth,
and all we can do with the knowledge
that our garden can sprout and grow,
because dreams do come true."

Warmest greetings
rose